|Photo by Mack Male|
Here's another Twitter robo-DM #thanksforthefollow message I got. I won't post too many of these because ick, but they are really annoying me this week, because they represent the OPPOSITE of what social media should be doing to work! Authenticity is more important than volume, spammers! #twitter #dm #spam #robo #authenticity #socialmedia #engagement #follow #follower #fake #annoying #fail
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“The 5 Surprising Ways You Are Being Manipulated by Twitter!”
These are all robo DMs I’ve received over the past two years, sorted using my extreme, PhD-level qualitative data sorting skills (no, really, that’s what I do). I’ve pulled good examples in each section for you. I’ve replaced actual links with “…” in order to protect the quasi-innocent.
1. The Basic Link Pitch
"Thanks for the follow - if you get a minute - well 90 or 180 plz check out …"
"Thanks for following! Feel free to like our Facebook page as well! … :)"
The last one is my favorite. I read this in a snooty Maggie Smith voice: "Although our Facebook page is quite exclusive and filled with the best followers, I hereby grant you permission to soil it with your 'like' since you have thus far proved not too disappointing." Maybe we are supposed to restrain ourselves from liking business pages that exist only to be liked by as many people as possible??
I always wonder about the calculus of how many links to try. And the arrangement. Facebook and LinkedIn plus the website. Your blog and Instagram? All of that? At what point, when adding more links, do you begin to feel like a bad person? The most I’ve seen in my DM inbox is 5.
2. The “Personal” Link Push
I'm just not sure the force of those greetings is quite enough to make me bite. It's like the person who comes to your door with a sample case and just wants to say "Hi" and talk about the weather. I'm not sure you can do enough smiling and nodding on my porch to make me forget why you are there.
3. The “Just Personal”
But then you add in the creepy auto call-out to exactly what day it is and these DMs just blow over the uncanny valley toward robopocalypse.
"Thanks for following me"
"Hello thanks for following."
"Thank you for the follow! Have a fabulous day."
Thanks for following me! Much appreciated!"
"Thanks for recent follow, have a great Sunday :)"
"Hey - thanks for the follow! Have a great Tuesday :)"
"Thanks for the recent follow. Much appreciated! Have a great Wednesday :)"
Not feeling it.
4. The Quid Pro Quo, Agent Starling
This one is a straight-up trade. I like the honesty of this approach, but I still hate seeing these in my inbox. It makes me feel like we are making a deal in the back of an alley:
"Cheers for the follow! Feel free to tweet me your thoughts about … I'll gladly RT if it's reasonable."
"Thank you so much for following! If you would retweet me, I will do the same for you!"
"Thanks for following me, check out my yt … pls sub and i'll return :)"
"Looking forward to staying connected! #Happy to follow you. On #instagram? More… pics here: …"
"Thanks for following me,automatically followed back"
"Thanks for connecting! I look forward to our discussions. What would you say is the biggest obstacle in your business?"
"Thanks for following me! I look forward to your Tweets!"
The last one is my favorite. Their DM robot says they will be paying close attention to my tweets, so . . . . . (hint, hint).
The second-to-last is interesting, too. I'm sure a business strategy consultant is offering you a FREE conversation here and not a pitch. Surely...
5. The Bribe
This is fun. "Here's something for FREE that is in no way content I created just for inbound marketing, which I am, now that I am pushing spammy DMs, outbounding. I swear it is valuable in its own right and not just a simple shill for my paid services."
Still, free is okay. I guess. But in an information overloaded world sometimes FREE is just too expensive:
"Thanks for the follow. Here's a link to 2 chapters of my novel …"
"Thanks so much for the follow. Check out our latest super bundle of… for ONLY $29"
"Hi MoreBrainz, Pleased we've connected, look forward to your tweets, Andy PS, Grab FREE Book on …."
"Thanks MoreBrainz 4 the follow! We'll keep you posted on everything you need to know to stand out from your competition with the best branding and marketing strategies. Reserve a free strategy session. :) …"
"Thx for joining me, I'm looking forward to learning more about you. If you're wondering how to access the ….(no charge) and our other resources for authors click here: ….You can also ask me questions on that site... just click the button in the navigation menu on my website that says "Ask." I only answer questions through my website because I can reply more thoughtfully there... and I can include links to helpful articles and other resources if/when needed (Twitter often blocks me when I try to do it in a DM)! …."
"I am offering 60% off … TODAY ONLY. Order TODAY, then use your Order at ANY TIME, there is NO TIME LIMIT to when you want to use your Order! Click the link NOW to Guarantee your 60% Discount Order…."
The last one kills me with its coupon. A coupon?? Really? "TODAY ONLY"!! You're not even gonna wish me a "fabulous Tuesday" first to demonstrate that your DM robot actually knows what day it is?
6. The Sell
"Hi friend, are you want to be a ROCk on Social Media? View my cheap services: …"
"Get more 619 free followers site Visit ⇒ …"
"Thanks! If you ever want help creating inbound sales send me a note! What is your blog or website address? I would love to check it out!"
"Great to meet you. Let me know if you need any ….for you or your business. Thanks so much for the follow :)"
"Hi ya! How you doing? I hope your well, let me know if i can help you out? I generally reply in 24-48hrs, if you need any design thinking, creative work, off the wall ideas, or strategy take a look at my work …"